Hear My Silence
by TheGirlWithHerGuitar
Summary: Autumn's best friend has died. When she feels like her other half has gone missing, she stops talking. When her mother sends her to California to live with her brother, Carlos Pena, will she stay mute, or will someone convince her to talk again?
1. Chapter 1

I stepped out of the plane and onto the walkway, with my backpack slung over my shoulder, I looked ready for my new life here in California, but the truth was that I wasn't ready. My mom sent me here to live with my brother. Apparently I was too much trouble and she couldn't take it anymore. I could understand that, a lot of people decided to give up on me, now I could add her to the list.

I grabbed my suitcase off of the luggage carrousel and looked around for my brother. I saw him, wearing very dark tinted sunglasses and a purple hoody, with the hood pulled up. I walked up to him and when he didn't see me, I tapped him on the shoulder.

"Autumn!" He exclaimed as he gave me a hug "How are you? Here let me take that" he said as he grabbed my suitcase.

I gave him a thumbs up to answer his question

"Mom said you had a problem?" He questioned as we walked to the car

I gave him a confused look, not knowing quite what he was talking about

"Something about you not talking anymore?"

I nodded, then pretended to zip my lips up, lock them, and throw away the key

"Why?"

I gave him a look that said 'I'll explain later

"Alright"

I climbed into the passenger seat of the car and he sat in the drivers seat. He started the car

"So, you'll get to meet the boys" He told me

I nodded, I wasn't thrilled about this. I didn't like loud noises and boys are usually full of them

"I missed you Autumn" He told me

_'I missed you too, Carlos" _I thought but I didn't say that, instead I looked him in the eyes, pointed to my heart, and then to him.

He smiled back at me and threw his arm over my shoulder.

Soon enough he pulled into the driveway to his house. We got out of the car abd I grabbed my backpack, while Carlos grabbed my suitcase. Carlos lead me through his house which was spectacular, and to a room whose door was closed. Carlos opened the door and my jaw dropped.

The walls were painted a dark green, the bed was black with the words 'Autumn Falls' on it. There were many of my drawings and poems on the walls. I was speechless.

"If you don't like it, we can change it. I just remembered that you loved green and I-" I cut him off with a look that said '_Are you crazy, I love it"_ I walked back and hugged him tightly, letting him know I loved it.

"I'm glad you like it"

Then I heard barking coming from outside the house, I gave Carlos a questioning look

"You still like dogs, right?"

I nodded

Carlos led me to the back yard, where a German Shepherd was waiting. I leaned down and scratched her behind the ears

"This is Sydney"

Sydney gave me a kiss and I continued to pet her

After a while, we all went back inside. I began to think about my stay here, and that I realized that I didn't know much about it. I tapped Carlos' arm and when he looked at me I showed him my phone, which I had typed; _'How long am I going to be here?'_ in.

"Mom just said that you could go back home when you were 'Normal' again" Carlos told me, putting air quotes around 'normal'

I sighed. I guess that she meant I could go back when I was talking again. So it seemed like I wouldn't be going back for a while.

"Wait a second, doesn't that mean that you can go back when you are talking again?" Carlos asked

I nodded

"You never told me what that was about, by the way"

I sighed again, and typed; _'It hurts to think about it, but did you hear about Summer?'_

He looked at it, then shook his head

_'Long story short, she committed suicide about a year ago'_

"Oh" Carlos mumbled, then he gave me a one-armed hug

Tears brimmed at the edge of my eyes, threatening to spill over. I got up and left Carlos, going back to my room. No one had seen me cry since Summer's death, and no-one was going to. Summer was/is my best friend. She and I were like sisters, we told each other everything. I miss everything about her from her perfect beach blonde hair and blue eyes, to the way that she laughed and made everything seem okay. I felt like half of me was missing

I grabbed my backpack and pulled out a framed picture of her and me. Above the picture were the words 'Best Friends For Life' On the back in her handwriting it said _'I promise that I'll always be there for you. Nothing can seperate us. Best friends - It's a promise, not a label. So I Summer Parks, promise you, Autumn Pena, Best Friends Forever. Love Summer (Duh, who else would I be?) P.S: Unicorns are awesome!'_

I almost smiled as I re-read it for the thousandth time, I clutched it close to my heart. Summer, why'd you leave me?


	2. Chapter 2

"Autumn... Autumn... Autumn" A voice called bringing me out of my deep sleep. It had been a nice night, not a single nightmare or dream, just relaxing sleep.

I opened my eyes and looked up at Carlos, his brown eyes meeting my dark green ones. He smiled at me

"Come on, I want you to come to the set today. You can meet everyone" He told me

I simply nodded

He left my room, leaving me to get dressed and ready for the day

I grabbed my glasses off of the nightstand and put them on. I climbed out of bed and walked over to the dresser. I had somehow managed to finish unpacking everything last night. I pulled out a simple outfit - Black jeans and a blue shirt that had Snoopy on it, along with my gray trainers. Next I did my hair, being too lazy right now to do anything else, I simply pulled my thick, curly, black hair into a high ponytail. I took out my contacts and put them in, so I wouldn't have to wear my glasses. I put on some lip gloss and gave myself a once over in the mirror. When I decided that I looked alright, I walked into the kitchen.

I made myself a bowl of cereal and ate. Then I put away the dishes that I had used

"Ready to go?" Carlos asked me

I nodded and followed him out the door

After one uneventful car ride, Carlos stopped me from getting out of the car. He handed me a pencil and notepad

"Since you don't talk, I figured you could use this"

I nodded, then got out of his car. Carlos lead me through the studio and to his dressing room

"I have to go to make-up and wardrobe, but you can stay here. Make yourself at home" Carlos told me. Then he left

I sat on the couch and looked around

"Hey Carlos could you- you're not Carlos" A boy with black hair and brown eyes told me

I smiled and shook my head

"Who are you?" He asked

I grabbed the pencil and notepad and wrote down _"I'm Autumn, Carlos' little sister, who are you?"_

"I'm Logan, part of the band that Carlos is in, Big Time Rush"

I nodded

"Do you not talk?"

I shook my head

"Why not?"

I wrote down; _"I lost someone very important to me. If you're wondering, she was my best friend"_

"Oh, I'm sorry"

_"Don't be - it wasn't you fault"_

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened?"

_"She committed suicide"_

"Oh"

I nodded

"Um, do you know where Carlos is?" Logan asked, trying to clear the awkwardness that was thick enough to cut with a knife.

_"He said he was going to make-up and wardrobe"_

"Thanks" Logan said as he left

I started to mindlessly doodle in my notepad

"Autumn?" Carlos called out to me

I looked up and he walked in with Logan and two other boys. One had brown hair and hazel eyes, while the other one had blonde hair and green eyes

"So Autumb, these are the boys. This is Logan" He pointed to Logan

_"Yeah we met" _I held it up and showed him

Logan nodded

"Great. Er - have you met James or Kendall?"

I shook my head

"So this is James" He gestured towards to the one with brown hair and hazel eyes. "And this is Kendall" He gestured towards the one with blonde hair and green eyes

I smiled at them

"She doesn't talk anymore" Carlos told them

"Oh why not?" Kendall asked

Carlos looked at me. I nodded towards him, letting him know that he could tell them.

"Her best friend... She committed suicide"

"Sorry" James and Kendall told me

I shook my head and wrote down _"It wasn't your fault"_

After a little while, the boys fell into an easy conversation. They occasionally asked me questions like "What's your favorite color" I caught Kendall staring at me every once in a while, which I found a little odd, but I let it slide. He was probably just trying to figure me out, like lots of other people


	3. Chapter 3

I was sitting in my room, alone, working on a drawing. It was of a girl sitting alone under a tree. She had long black hair, which was flowing freely in the wind. Her eyes were dark brown, dark enough that they could be mistaken for black. Tears were flowing out of her eyes, which had no emotion other than sadness in them. It was raining as well. The rain hid her tears fairly well, but you could still tell that they were there. She held her legs close to her body, with her arms wrapped around them. Her long sleeve t-shirt and jeans protected her from the rain. And in the distance, a lightning bolt shook the air.

"Autumn?" Carlos asked, and just then, I realized that he was sitting right beside me

I looked up at him

"What are you doing?"

I shrugged

"Um... The boys are coming over tonight"

I nodded. It wasn't that I didn't like them it was just that they were so loud and I didn't mix. I knew I'd probably just spend the night in my room. Later that night, i was lying on the floor in my room. Sydney was streched out beside me, while I finished up my drawing. I heard the front door open, and not long after, loud voices echoed through the house. Sydney looked up towards the door, but then dropped her head back to the floor. I scratched her head, then continued to work on my drawing. It was almost finished when I heard some barking. I looked at Sydney, but she was silent, and the barking seemed to be coming from a smaller dog. The source of the barking came bounding into my room. It looked like a smaller version of a Husky. I smiled as it came over to me. I held out my hand and the dog sniffed it, then licked me. I scratched the puppy's head, then it yapped at Sydney, who got up and started to play with it

"Fox!" James' voice called out

The puppy bounded out of my room, with Sydney following behind. _'So Fox is his name' _I thought

As the night carried on. I finished the drawing, So I moved on to reading my favorite book series 'Warrior Cats'. The boys gradually grew louder, so I closed my door and put my headphones on, hoping that some music could block out the noise

I felt someone tap my arm. I pulled my headphones off and looked up at Carlos

"Pizza's here" He told me

I grabbed my notepad and wrote; _'Not hungry_'

"Okay"

_"I think I'll take Sydney for a walk"_

"Alright"

Sydney followed me out of my room. I grabbed her leash and clipped it onto her collar. I waved goodbye to Carlos, then headed out.

The truth is that I didn't really want to take Sydney out for a walk, but I was going to use any avalible excuse to get out of the house. I just wanted some time to myself

After an hour of walking, I started to head back. I was taking a shortcut through an alley, when I heard Sydney growling. The only light here was coming from some street lamps in the distance, so I squinted to see what she was growling at. I turned around and saw a figure. I immediately knew who it was. I quickened my pace, but that didn't stop them. They came up from behind me and slammed me into a wall. Another person came out of nowhere and took Sydney's leash away from me

"You haven't told anyone, have you?" He asked as he pinned me up against the wall

I shook my head vigorously

"Good girl, but here's a little reminder of what would happen if you were to tell someone"

He took out a knife and slashed it against each of my arms and legs. He pushed the knife against my stomach, not deep enough to kill me, but deep enough to make blood come pouring out of the cut. He slapped my face and pushed me down. The other guy dropped Sydney's leash and she ran over to me. They left me in the alley, with my blood pouring out.

"We'll check up on you again next week" They threatened

I thought that I had escaped them when I came out all the way across the country, but apparently, I had no luck what so ever


	4. Chapter 4

I laid there for a minute. I knew I had to move soon, Carlos might be getting worried. When I was finally able to pull myself together, I stood up. I was a little shaky and the cuts on my legs burned, but I was able to grab Sydney's leash and start walking back. When I finally made it to the house, I walked around to my window. I told Sydney to stay put, then I dropped her leash and climbed through the window. I cleaned out my cuts and changed into a long-sleeved shirt and jeans, so you couldn't see the cuts. I climbed back out of the window to find Sydney where I had left her, so I grabbed her leash and walked back to the front of the house. I walked through the front door. I unclasped Sydney's leash from her collar. Then I walked past the living room. The boys were watching a movie, but Carlos looked up at me. I waved at him, and he smiled at me, then turned his attention back to the movie

I got ready for bed, then climbed under the warm, inviting blankets. As I let what happened sink in, tears brimmed at the edges of my eyes, then they spilled out. They streamed all the way down my face, and I did nothing to stop them. I just let them flow out until I had no more tears left in me

I promised myself, right then, that I wouldn't ever let a single tear fall out, ever again. I promised myself that I would fake more smiles, so I wouldn't bring anyone down. Most importantly, I promised myself that any hope of me ever talking again, had now been lost. No one could hear my voice, this was my only way of survival now

_No one would know_


	5. Chapter 5

One month has passed since I came to California. Not much has changed. I'm still as quiet as ever. I'm still not close to the boys besides Carlos, if anything I've become even more distant. The only thing that has changed is the abuse I get from him, it's gone from getting beaten weekly to daily. Sometime's it's better, other times it's worse. He mainly cuts my wrists now. I'm terrified that someone might see the cuts, and ask me what's wrong, so now I consistently make sure that they are covered up.

"Autumn... Autumn...?" Carlos' voice rang out bringing me out of my daydream. "Autumn, did you hear what I said? We're leaving tomorrow for the Summer Tour!"

I forced a smile and nodded

"I've been talking about this all week, I can't believe that we're leaving tomorrow!"

I nodded again and gave him a thumbs up to show him my enthusiasm, well more like fake enthusiasm

I glanced at the clock: 7.00 PM. I grabbed my notepad and wrote down, _'Going for a run, be back soon"_

"Okay" He responded

I grabbed my shoes, slipped them on, and headed out the door. I checked to make sure that Carlos wasn't watching me, then I started jogging towards the alley.

"Good you're here" He told me when he saw me

He slammed me up against the wall, pushed my long sleeves up, and pulled out his knife. He pushed the knife up against my wrists and started to apply some pressure, only enough to break the skin, then he dragged the blade down my wrist to make a long cut. He did this four times on each wrist.

"I heard that you're going to be out of town for a few months. Now, how about we make a deal? I won't follow you, if you don't tell anyone" He attempted to compromise

I nodded. I wasn't about to talk, and who was I going to tell anyways?

"Good. Have fun and here's something to remember our little deal"

He made one more slash in my stomach, then left the alley, leaving me once more


	6. Chapter 6

I hid the cuts, hoping blood wouldn't seep through my shirt. I practiced my fake smile, then I started jogging back, ignoring the searing pain. I walked through the front door, gave Carlos a thumbs up, letting him know I was back somewhat safely. I honestly did feel better. I was getting a break from the constant abuse.

I started packing for the tour, well my version of packing, which was basically just throwing things into my suitcase. After my suitcase was filled, I threw the remainder of the things that I needed into my backpack.

As soon as I finished packing, I got ready for bed, then climbed under my blankets, and fell into a restful, dreamless sleep

_"Beep, beep, beep, beep"_ My alarm clock rang out, letting me know that it was time to face another day. I sighed and hit the snooze button to shut off the annoying noise. I got out of bed and chose my outfit for the day, which was my favorite blue jeans and my green shirt that had a picture of a tree on it. I grabbed my sweatshirt and threw it on, too. I left my hair down for today and decided against wearing any make-up. Then I left my room

"Morning" Carlos greeted me

I smiled at him, then put two pieces of cinnamon bread into the toaster. When they popped up, the noise startled me, but I got over it, and put the pieces on my plate. I spread some butter over the pieces and poured myself a glass of orange juice. After I finished eating my breakfast, I put away the dishes.

"Come on, we're going to head to the studio now. The tour bus should be waiting there" Carlos told me

I nodded, then left for my room. I swung my backpack over my shoulder and grabbed my suitcase. When I walked back out, Carlos was waiting with his luggage. We walked out to his car and he opened the trunk. We put our bags inside the trunk, then Carlos closed it. I walked over to the passengers seat, while Carlos went to the driver's seat. I got into the car and buckled up

After one uneventful car ride, we arrived at the studio. We both got out of the car and got our bags. Carlos lead me to the tour bus. We climbed onto it, and the boys greeted us. I dropped my bags onto my bed. Then I sat down beside them and pulled out my book. Thus bus started moving, and I continued to read.

At about 8:00, I felt someone tap my arm. Naturally, I assumed that it was Carlos, but when I looked up, it was Kendall

"So the boys and I are going to watch a movie, you want to join us?" He asked me

I shook my head

"Are you sure? I could be misreading you, but you look like you feel alone, like you need a friend" He explained

I smiled, a real, genuine smile. Finally there was someone who saw past my fake happiness. Someone was reaching out to me, and possibly saving me from my darkness.

I nodded, letting him know that I would come. He smiled and I got up from my bed, walking beside him into the other room


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey Kendall, how did you convince her to come out?" Carlos joked. I walked over to him and playfully punched his shoulder. "Alright, you wanna pick the movie?" He asked me.

I sighed. Carlos handed me three DVD's: _Fire in the Sky, The Notebook,_ and_ The Simpsons. _I smiled at Carlos, and he nodded, knowing what I was thinking. I held up _Fire in the Sky_

"Okay, that's new. Most girls I know wouldn't want a horror movie by choice" James said

I smiled. I loved horror movies, sure they freaked me out, but nothing was worse than one night that I could completely erase from my memory. I put the movie into the DVD player, then I went back to the couch and sat in between Carlos and Kendall

As soon as the movie started, I became more and more engrossed in it. By the time that the movie was finished, I was somewhat paranoid and I definitely wasn't paying attention to what was going on around me

I heard a loud noise right behind me. If I talked, I would have screamed, but because I didn't, I turned around really fast. I was scared out of my mind, but then I saw a textbook on the floor and a very guilty looking Carlos

I smirked and tackled him. He might have been older than me, seeing as I was only seventeen, turning eighteen in a few weeks though, but I could definitely pin him down. I heard the guys laughing behind me

"Okay, okay. You've had your fun, now let me up" Carlos demanded, struggling against my grip

I shook my head

"Then what do you want?" He asked

I managed to hold him down with one hand, then I turned to the boys and made a call me sign. Logan was the first to figure it out. He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of me pinning Carlos down. James and Kendall got it soon after, and they each took a picture of us. I smiled, content with my revenge, and got off of Carlos, then I offered him a hand. He took it and got up

"What do you want us to do with these pictures?" James asked

I smiled again and walked over to him. I pointed to the twitter app on his phone

"Oh" He said, uploading the picture

The other guys knew what to do soon after, and they uploaded the picture on their accounts, too

Carlos looked at me "I hate you"

I made a heart and pointed to him, letting him know that I loved him. He sighed. Then I sighed, too


	8. Chapter 8

I laid awake that night, every time I closed my eyes, a scene from the movie would appear in my mind. I glanced at my clock to check the time: 2:00. My throat felt so dry, maybe some water would help me fall asleep

I got out of bed and put on my glasses, so I could see. Then I walked over to the kitchen, where I saw a figure. I quietly crept forward to investigate, although, being me, keeping quiet wasn't so difficult. The figure moved towards me, and that's when I realized it was looking straight at me. My breath got caught in my throat. I stood there analyzing it's every move, debating whether or not to make a run for it. I saw it's arm reach out. I jumped backwards and the lights were flicked on

That's when I realized that the figure was Kendall. I face-palmed myself, mentally laughing at my own stupidity

"Oh, it's just you, hey I didn't know you wore glasses. What are you do up, though?" Kendall asked

I pulled out my phone and typed in. _'Couldn't sleep'_

"Oh"

_'What are you doing?'_

"Same"

I got my glass of water and gulped it down

"You know, I've known you for about a month, and I know nothing about you" He told me

_'What do you want to know?'_

"What's your favorite color?"

'Green'

"Favorite song?"

_'Love me for me - Cher Lloyd'_

"What are you afraid of?"

_'Scary things'_ I shrugged

"That clears it up" He said sarcastically

He kept asking me questions. I occasionally asked him a question or two, but for the most part, he just asked me. Most of the questions were pretty simple, and didn't require any thinking, but one question caught me off guard

"Have you got a boyfriend?"

_'Nope'_

"Why not, you're beautiful"

_'Well, thanks, but if you haven't noticed, no one would want to date a mute'_

"That's not true"

I nodded, arguing with him

"Come on. You've got a great personality, once you get past the walls you've built up"

I cocked my head, confused with what he just said

"When you don't talk, it shuts most people out. I'm guessing that you find that easier than explaining everything on your mind, so you just shut them out, but once they can figure out how to get past that, you open up, somewhat. You're like a rose. You hope that people will just see the thorns and walk away, but the people you let in get to see the beautiful flower"

Okay, that was deep. I was momentarily at a loss for words, but we soon started up another conversation. We talked and talked, well he talked, I typed, until my eyelids drooped. I tried to fight off the drowsiness, but sleep soon overcame me, and my eyelids dropped shut


	9. Chapter 9

When I woke up the next morning, I was in my bed. One of two things happened last night: either I had dreamed the entire thing, or someone carried me to bed. I gave up on trying to remember, and started getting ready for the day. Some of my cuts were starting to fade, so maybe I won't have to worry about that as much

I finished getting ready, then I walked to the kitchen. I made my breakfast and ate it, then I sat down on the couch with the boys

"Hey" Carlos greeted me

I gave him a miniature wave

"How did you sleep last night?"

I gave him a thumbs up, then I pointed to him

"Good" He responded

I turned my attention towards the TV, but it was boring, so I stared off into space instead

"Autumn, what are you looking at? A wall can't be that interesting, can it?" James asked

I realized that I was staring at a wall, just then. I shrugged to answer his question

I heard him chuckle

I started shivering, and when I realized that it was because I was cold, I got up and grabbed my sweatshirt. I put it on, then I sat down with the boys again

Out of boredom, I walked back to the kitchen. I found Kendall in there, I looked at him, '_What happened last night?'_

"If you're wondering how you got to bed last night, I carried you" He told me, basically reading my mind

_'Why?' _I typed in my phone

"You fell asleep" He said it as more of a question than a statement

I cocked my head, how could someone be so nice?

"You're looking at me like I've got three heads"

I smiled, _'Just trying to figure you out'_

"Well, what you see, is basically, what you get"

_'How is it possible for someone to be so nice?'_

"I don't know. Would you like me to be more mean?"

I shook my head

"Good. 'Cause I wasn't planning on changing who I am"

_'Anyway, what's up?' _I typed, trying to change the conversation

"Nothing. Well, actually, I'm very curious to know what you sound like"

I opened my mouth. He looked excited, so I closed my mouth and shook my head

He chuckled, "Please"

I shook my head again

"I'm getting the feeling that there's more to your story"

I smiled, he could read me like a book


	10. Chapter 10

The next day, we arrived at their first concert of the tour. The boys were trying to convince me to go check out the arena

"Just go. What's the harm? You have to be curious!" Carlos attempted to persuade me

I shook my head

"Please"

I shook my head again

"Just check it out. Come on" Kendall tried

I shook my head one more time

"You are officially the most stubborn person I know" Logan told me

I smirked. Truthfully, I was dying to know what it looked like on the inside, but I knew that the boys were up to something, so I wasn't going to leave the bus until their show had started

"You're going, whether you like it or not" Carlos said

He grabbed my wrist, right were the majority of the cuts were. I winced in pain, and attempted to pull it back, but just my luck, Carlos saw me wince, and he was now suspicious. He grabbed my arm with his other hand. He pushed my sweat shirts long sleeve up, exposing the number of cuts

He gasped when he saw them. "Autumn..." He trailed off, his voice was barely a whisper

That's when I realized what he was thinking

I shook my head, begging him to understand

"Why?... Why would you do this to yourself?"

I shook my head

"Is this because of Summer?" His voice was starting to sound angry

I shook my head

"Why are you denying it? I can see it with my own eyes, Autumn!" He was yelling now

I shook my head again. I pointed to my phone with my free hand

Logan grabbed it and gave it to me

_'Please understand. It's not what it looks like!' _I typed on my phone

"Then what is it?" He shot back

_'I can't tell you!' _I was starting to get angry, he was my own brother! My flesh and blood! And he didn't believe me? When had I ever lied to him?

"WHY NOT? I TAKE YOU IN WHEN MOM KICKS YOU OUT AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME! YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL ME?"

Okay, I'm not going to lie. The comment about mom was a low blow. That really hurt. A lot. I ran out of the room and into the bathroom. I locked the door and sat on the toilet. I had no intention of coming out anytime soon

"Autumn...Autumn, please unlock the door. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean it. I was just mad" Carlos pleaded

I, of course, remained silent

"YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT SORRY! YOU DESERVED IT. YOU WON'T TELL! I DESERVE TO KNOW! MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET LOST! JUST GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE FOREVER!" And that was the last thing I heard from Carlos

"Autumn, just give him time to cool off. We have to go now, but we'll be back" Kendall promised

Not a single tear fell. If Carlos wanted me gone, maybe I should go. If Carlos wanted to give up on me, too, then maybe I just needed a change. I couldn't really rely on anyone, could I?


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I Don't own Big Time Rush only Autumn but obviously not her second name :)

I grabbed my backpack and started stuffing some important items into it. I only took food and water, not wanting useless items to weigh me down. I was able to get off the bus without attracting any attention to myself. As soon as I was off the bus, I bolted, running as fast as my legs would carry me. I needed to get away from here as fast as possible. No one stopped me, which was good because I didn't want to be stopped. As soon as my legs felt weak, I knew that I had been running for many miles, so I could probably walk for a while now. I still needed to keep moving.

Way too soon for my liking, the darkness consumed the small town that I was in. It was dark enough that I couldn't see what was in front of me, so I knew that I had to stop for the night. I began to look for somewhere safe to sleep. I found an alley, not a scary alley, one that no one came to anymore, it looked safe enough for one night. In the alley, I found an old mattress. I sat down on it, debating whether or not I should spend the night here. When I decided I had no choice, I laid down on the old mattress. It wasn't very comfortable, nor was it the safest place, or the cleanest for that matter, but I needed sleep, and this was where I was going to sleep.

That night, I had horrible nightmares, none of which made any sense. They swirled in my head, one after another. One stuck out, though. It was of everyone who had become a part of my life. They were telling me that I wasn't good enough, that I didn't deserve to be alive, or have someone love me or care about me. But I already knew that, I was never good enough, and I never will be. I would never be beautiful, smart or talented. I would always be a _mute freak._


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I Don't own Big Time Rush only Autumn but obviously not her second name :)

It's been a few weeks since I ran away, I don't know how many because I have had many more important things on my mind than the time. Like the fact that I've been out of food and water for a decent amount of time now. Like the fact that nearly everyone I pass on the street gives me a dirty look. Like the fact that I'm all alone and no one cares about me, although I'm not sure anyone ever has.

Anyway, I've ditched the backpack, since now I don't have a use for it. I live off the streets now.

It was starting to get dark out, so I was beginning to look for a place to sleep for the night. I passed a store that had a mirror in it's front window. I stopped and looked at the girl that was staring back at me through the mirror.

She had long black hair, which was pulled back into a ponytail. It was filthy and knotted. Her face was covered in dirt, there were some scratches and dried blood on her face, too. Her eyes, oh her eyes, they were a very dark green. They looked like they once sparkled, but now they were dull, emotionless almost. Her lips were cracked and pale. She looked so thin. Then I realized the girl staring back at me was me. I slowly lifted my hand and touched my cheek, making sure this wasn't some type of trick. As soon as I realized that it wasn't a trick, I stammered backwards. I ran, away from the mirror, away from myself.

"Autumn!" I heard my name being called, but I only slowed down to a walk, after all there had to be other Autumns in the world, right?

"Autumn Pena? Wait! You! The one that's walking away! Stop! Please!" The voice begged.

I stopped, then turned around. My breath caught in my throat. Standing right in front of me, was the one and only, Kendall Schmidt.

"Have you see a girl? She has curly black hair, green eyes..." He trailed off, looking straight into my eyes.

I stood there motionless.

"Autumn?" He said in complete disbelief.

I remained motionless.

"Autumn?" He asked.

It took me a minute, but I eventually nodded my head very slowly.

He pulled me into a tight hug.

"I missed you. We missed you"

I couldn't believe it. He cared about me.

"Come on. The boys won't believe that I found you"

I just stood there. I couldn't believe it. He wanted me to go back, after what Carlos had said and done to me?

"Please, you can't live like this. Carlos keeps blaming himself. He just wishes that he could take back what he said"

I blinked a few times, then I realized that I couldn't live like this forever. I needed to go back and face Carlos.

I started to follow Kendall. He walked up to a very fancy looking hotel. I stopped. I couldn't go in there, especially when I looked like this. I got dirty looks just walking down the street. I'd get thrown out of there. I looked at Kendall.

"What?" He asked.

I motioned to myself, then the hotel, then back at myself.

He rolled his eyes. "If it helps, I think you're beautiful"

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't beautiful on a good day, let alone when I had been roaming through the streets for who knows how long.

"Just come"

I shook my head.

"Suit yourself"

He came over and picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder. I hid my face in his back, and he chuckled. As soon as he started walking me into the hotel, I began to feel the cold glares that people were giving me. I dug my face further into his back. Finally, he opened a door and set me down in the hotel room.

"Look who I found" Kendall sang.

"Unless It's Autumn, I don't care" Carlos called back. He almost sounded depressed.

"Suit yourself" Kendall told him.

I looked at him questioningly, wondering when I was going to see my brother. He smiled.

"Later" He told me, reading my mind again.

He picked up my suitcase and handed it to me, then he pointed to a pair of doors. I smiled, gratefully.

_Maybe someone finally cares. Maybe Kendall could be the one to break through the walls I built. And maybe, just maybe, he could save me._


	13. Chapter 13

I took a very long shower, since the hot water felt so good. After that, I got dressed, and brushed my teeth and hair. I pulled my hair into two braids. It felt so nice to be clean again. I put my glasses on, even though I did hate my glasses, but I was too lazy to try and put in my contacts. I walked out of the bathroom and looked for Carlos. I needed to face him, to let him know that I was fine.

Carlos was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. He looked depressed, hollow, almost. I walked up to him and tapped his shoulder.

"Go away" He groaned

I turned his head, so he was facing me

"Autumn?" He asked in complete disbelief

I hugged him, then I kissed his cheek, letting him know that I forgave him, more or less

"Autumn, I'm so sorry. Please don't ever leave again. I missed you so, so much!" He apologized.

I nodded, accepting his apology

"Autumn's back?" Logan asked, walking into the room

I was then attacked by hugs from him, then James joined in, telling me he missed me, too. Soon enough, all the boys joined in


	14. Chapter 14

_"It's too cold outside, for angels to fly..." _My alarm clock rang out.

I hit the snooze button, still feeling exhausted Last night was the most relaxing night of sleep that I had in weeks, well a month and a half, since the guys told me I'd been gone for six weeks.

I rolled over and drifted off into my dreams

"Autumn, get up. We need to get back on the tour bus now" Kendall's voice rang out

I rolled over so my face was buried in my pillow. I was still too tired

"Come on, get up, I'll carry you down there"

I shook my head, then I held up one finger, telling him to give me a minute

He nodded, "I'll wait outside your room" He left the room and closed the door

I brushed my hair and braided it, so it fell all the way down my back. I put my contacts in, then brushed my teeth. I put on my green t-shirt, black sweat shirt, and my blue jeans.

I walked out of the room and nodded towards Kendall, letting him know that I was ready to go. I might have come here looking like dirt, but I was ready to leave looking, well, a little better. I held my head up high as I walked out the door. No one looked at me. Well, I'd rather be invisible, than looked down on. After all, I've been through both, and invisible was much better, but that's just me.

We walked onto the bus. Carlos looked at me and smiled. He seemed relived. I gave him a fake smile in return

That was still my plan. To pretend that I wasn't broken, and still breaking, for that matter. Hopefully, they'd still believe my act.


	15. Chapter 15

The next day, I was sitting on my bed, listening to some music. I felt the bed shift, and I looked up to see Kendall. I was sort of surprised, considering it was almost 4 AM

I paused the music, and took off my headphones.

"I need to ask you something" He told me

I nodded, wanting him to continue

"I know there's more to your story than what you're saying there is, but I can't figure out exactly what it is"

He was observant, I'll give him that, but I didn't know if I could trust him, and even if I could, why would I tell him? My life would end if I told Kendall my entire life story

When he noticed that I wasn't going to tell him, he said. "If you won't tell me that, then I need to know how you're feeling"

_'I'm broken, I'm breathing, but I'm not sure I'm alive' _I thought. I couldn't tell him that, though. I was stronger than that, take care of myself, deal with my own problems. I typed, _'I'm fine' _on my phone

"Tell me the truth" Kendall told me, looking me straight into my eyes


	16. Chapter 16

I was faced with two problems. One, I couldn't tell him the truth. Two, his green eyes were mesmerizing. I couldn't look away. When he finally broke eye contact, he shook his head.

He took a deep breath and said, "You can't live your life in silence. You need to let someone in. I know that your silence is so much more. Your silence is your loudest scream. I can hear you. I can hear your silence."

Whether or not I was willing to admit it, this boy was slowly breaking down my walls. The walls that I spent so long building up, they were crumbling. The walls I used to protect myself from being any more broken than I already am, they were cracked. And whether or not I even knew it, I was falling for him, and it was bound to be broken by him, too.

"You can trust me, you can tell me. I swear, I won't tell anyone."

_'How can I know that?'_

"You'll just have to trust me."

_'But that's the problem. I can't just trust anyone. Everyone that I have ever put my faith in has let me down. How do I know that you won't let me down, too?'_

"I won't let you down. I want to help you, but you need to let me in. I can promise you this, though. I will always be there for you, even if everyone else leaves you, I'll be there. You don't have to be alone anymore."

Maybe he was right, I couldn't live like this forever. Maybe I could trust him. I took a deep breath, and took a giant leap.

_'I didn't do this to myself.' _I showed him the scars.

"Who did it?" He asked, curiosity filling his voice."


	17. Chapter 17

I just now realized that I couldn't tell him. I couldn't. I wouldn't. My heart rate picked up, my breaths became shorter. If I told him, I would die. I got off of the bed in one swift movement, and I ran off the bus, luckily it was parked, so I didn't have to jump off of it. I knew running away wouldn't help anyone, but I couldn't stay here. I'd just stay out until the boys wake up. I could tell them I had been out for a run - wait Kendall knew too much now. He knew that I didn't give myself the cuts. Luckily, I'd realized my mistake sooner, rather than later.

As I continued running around the city, I saw things that reminded me of my time as a runaway. I saw a gang of five or six men. The oldest one in the group looked like he was about twenty five, but he had a huge build. I knew that any one of them could hurt me. As they came closer to me, I grew more and more afraid. I didn't show it, though. That would show them that they had power over me.

When they came close enough, I saw something on one of them that scared me more than anything: a gun. I could stand against a knife, but I couldn't take more than one shot from a gun.

I realized right then, that I couldn't fight this battle on my own.

I took a deep breath, then another, they were about five feet away now.

"HELP!" I screamed, using my entire voice. I almost didn't recognize my voice, it was so scratchy. It wasn't very loud, but it would have to be loud enough. I wouldn't be able to scream again. My throat burned.

As soon as the gang closed the distance, they grabbed me. I wasn't going to be able to fight them off.

"Get away from her!" I heard a voice scream. The voice that just saved my life, I knew it belonged to Kendall. As my eyes closed, I saw Kendall enter my vision. I could see his eyes, filled with worry, but they had something else in them, too. I must have had a concussion, because I thought I saw love in his eyes. No one could love me, though.

My eyes closed and I drifted off.

"What happened?" I heard Carlos ask.

"I was talking to her this morning, then she ran off. I, I think she screamed 'Help'

"What?"

"I went looking for her, and I heard someone scream 'Help'. I found her being dragged off by, like, six guys."

"Is she okay?"

"I don't know. She passed out before I could ask her anything."

"She looks like she has a broken leg, though. Should we take her to the hospital?"

"Probably"

That was all I heard before I drifted off into a deep sleep again.

When I woke up, I had a pounding headache. I opened my eyes and looked around. I was on the couch, in the tour bus. I saw Carlos and Kendall in the kitchen. I tried to get up, but the second I moved my leg, it burned with pain. I managed to sit up, without hurting my leg too badly.

I looked longingly at them, hoping they would turn around. As if Kendall could read my mind, he turned around.

"Carlos, she's awake." He said.

"Hey Autumn, how are you feeling?" Carlos asked me quietly.

I pointed to my leg and head.

"Yeah, I know about your leg, we're almost to the hospital. Do you need some Tylenol for your head?"

I shook my head, I'd rather deal with the pain, than take the medicine.

"You sure?"

I nodded.

When we arrived at the hospital, Kendall carried me in, against my will. When a doctor came in, he confirmed my suspicion that my leg was, in fact broken. He put my leg in a black cast, which I chose purposely, so no one could sign it.

When we finally left the hospital, I looked at Carlos, pointed to my leg and cocked my head.

"When the guys saw me, they dropped you. You fell right on your leg." Kendall told me.

I sighed. It would be a long wait for this cast to come off.


	18. Chapter 18

The next day, when I woke up, I realized that it was much quieter than it had been for a while. I got out of bed, glad that I didn't have that bulky cast anymore. It turns out that I didn't need to keep the cast on for too long. Anyway, I got ready for the day, putting on my black jean shorts and red shirt. After I was ready, I walked out into the living room.

The first person I saw was Kendall. He wasn't really doing anything, just sitting on the couch, watching TV. I didn't think that he saw me, so I walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. When he looked up and saw me, he smiled, so I smiled back.

"We have the day off today. The boys have already left. I thought that we could do something together today," He told me.

I smiled and nodded. I motioned for him to lead the way, so he got off of the couch, and led me to the car. I climbed into the passenger seat, while he sat in the driver's seat.

As he started driving, I began to wonder where we were going. What did he have in mind?

For the billionth time, he read my mind and said, "I'm not going to tell you where we're going. I want it to be a surprise,"

I rolled my eyes, but I was still wondering where we were going, so I began to think of all the possibilities.

He finally pulled into a parking lot, where he parked the car.

When I saw what the parking lot was next to, my mind screamed, _'Yes!'_

We were somewhere that I loved to go. I hadn't been here since I lost Summer. I loved this place! This was the place where I wanted to have my first kiss, along with my first date. We were at the carnival! I was jumping up and down because I was so happy!

I swiftly got out of the car, and Kendall walked up beside me. I threw my arms around him and kissed his cheek, as my way to thank him.

"You're welcome," He told me, hugging me back.

I pulled out my notebook and scribbled, _'How did you know?'_

"Lucky guess?" He said as more of a question.

I have him a 'really' look.

"Okay, fine. Carlos told me,"

Almost instantly, I blushed and looked down, wondering what else my brother could have told him.

"Don't look down when you blush, it's cute," He told me, lifting my chin up, so I was making eye contact with him.

This, of course, only made my cheeks turn a deeper shade of red.


	19. Chapter 19

As we wandered around the carnival, I was truly having a good time. Kendall and I were playing a bunch of games. I had a smile, a real smile, on my face. Kendall was currently playing some sort of basketball game. I was sitting on a bench, watching him, when he came back with a giant stuffed bear.

"I got this for you." Kendall said, holding out the bear towards me.

I smiled and took the bear. It was so cute. It had brown fur, with an adorable yellow bow tie. It was tall, about three feet tall.

_'Thank you, I love it!' _I wrote.

"No problem. I'm glad you like it."

I got up, holding the bear close to me.

"Come on." Kendall told me, taking one of my hands.

He led me to the Ferris wheel. We sat in one of the carts. As the cart stopped right at the top, I realized that it was a good thing that I wasn't afraid of heights. The view was magnificent. The Ferris wheel overlooked a beautiful lake, which had crystal blue water. It was late enough now that you could see the stars. There were so many of them here, all of them shining bright. The moon was out, as well. It was a full moon, too, making the sight so much more spectacular, as it sat right over the lake. The view took my breath away.

"There's a shooting star," Kendall told me.

I looked where he was pointing, and sure enough, there was. It was glowing bright, moving across the sky.

"Make a wish," Kendall whispered.

_'I wish I could find my place in this world'_ I thought.

"You know what I wished for?" Kendall asked me.

I cocked my head.

"I wished for you to be mine,"

I smiled like crazy and nodded, giving him a hug.

"You have no idea how long I've waited to do this," He whispered.

And at that moment, right when everything was absolutely perfect, he leaned in, and placed his lips against mine.


	20. Chapter 20

As he kissed me, my heart started beating faster, my stomach twisted into knots, and my lips tingled with electricity. I didn't want to leave his lips, and I never felt quite so happy in my entire life. This moment was absolutely perfect, I never wanted it to end.

When he pulled away, my smile was so big that it must have looked creepy, and all the effects from his kiss still lingered. He smiled back at me and threw his arm over my shoulder.

The ferris wheel moved us down to the bottom, and the attendant helped us out of the cart. We walked out of the carnival, just as it was closing. His arm was still around my shoulder, and we were both still smiling. We walked back to the car, and I got into the passengers seat, while he got into the driver's seat. He started driving back to the bus. We had fallen into a comfortable silence. I realized that he hadn't said a single word since he kissed me, no words were needed right now, in fact words would ruin the moment.

As we made our way back to the bus, I looked at the clock. It was already 1:00 am. Kendall parked the car, and we both got out. He walked beside me, holding my hand.

"And they arrive." Logan announced, as we walked through the door.

"And they're holding hands." James added.

I felt my cheeks heat up.

"Aww." James and Logan chorused.

"Well?" Carlos asked, a serious look on his face.

"Carlos, you know I like Autumn a lot, but I don't want this to affect our friendship, or the band for that matter."

Carlos laughed, "Don't sweat it, dude. I'm happy if you're happy. But I think someone else's opinion matters, too." Carlos walked over to me, "Does my little sister like Kendall?" He asked in a baby voice.

I nodded.

"So you're okay with it?" Kendall asked.

"Of course. I don't want Autumn to be mad at me again, but I'm also trusting you not to hurt my sister."

"Never." Kendall promised, looking only at me.


	21. Chapter 21

That night, I was lying awake in bed, replaying the events from that day in my head. It seemed too perfect, almost dreamlike. Why would anyone like Kendall, like someone like me? It didn't make sense. Was this some sort of joke?

I tossed and turned, trying to fall asleep. I heard someone move in the living room of the bus, giving up on sleeping, I got up to see who it was.

I expected it to be Kendall, but to my surprise it was James, playing with Fox. I walked up to him and tapped his shoulder. He turned around.

"Oh, it's you. What are you doing up?" He asked, handing me his phone, so I could respond.

_'Couldn't sleep, you?"_ I typed.

"I heard Fox whimpering."

I nodded.

He patted the floor next to him, "Come on, I don't bite."

I smiled and sat down.

Fox came up to me and rolled over on his back, asking me to rub his stomach.

_'Ferocious attack dog! He's so scary!' _I handed James his phone, so he could read it, then I scratched Fox's stomach.

"Hey! He's a very manly ten pounds. That's a whole ten pounds of pure viciousness!" He argued.

I silently laughed.

We started talking, well he talked, I typed.

"So you and Kendall, huh?" He asked.

I blushed and looked down.

"I'm going to take that as a yes."

I playfully hit his arm.

"He really likes you. I've seen the way he looks at you, it's like you're the only one in the world that matters anymore. We were all waiting for you two to get together, and you finally did!"

_'He's special. No guy has ever treated me like he does. I just hope this doesn't turn out badly for both of us.'_

"You've obviously been hanging out with the wrong guys then."

_'Tell me about it' _I thought, but I couldn't tell him that, so I typed. _'You guys are a lot nicer than I expected you to be. Now I know why you have so many fans - the fans, what will they think about Kendall and me?'_

"Most of the fans will like it, but there will be ones that don't. Don't let the ones that disapprove affect you, though. You two are definitely meant to be."

_'I'll try.'_

"Are you ever going to start talking?"

_'I don't know. It depends.'_

"Depends on what?"

_'Things I can't tell you.'_

"Okay."

I was glad that he let it go there. We talked for a little while longer, until we both got tired and went to bed. I crawled under the blanket and fell asleep.


	22. Chapter 22

I woke up that morning to the regular hum of the bus. I rolled out of bed, and went through my morning routine, choosing my black shorts and a purple shirt. I left my hair down, but put a hair tie on my wrist, in case I wanted to put it on later. Sydney greeted me, as I walked out of the bathroom, so I followed her to the living room.

"Hey." My brother greeted me.

I gave him a small wave, then I proceeded to make my breakfast. As I started to eat, I realized that only Carlos was awake. I finished breakfast, then I sat down by Carlos. I started to look at the scars on my legs and arms.

"Autumn?" Carlos asked softly, "Can you please tell me something?" He handed me a notebook.

I cocked my head, wondering what he wanted to know.

"How did you get those scars?" He asked me gently, as if I might explode or break.

_'I can't tell you, I wish I could, but I can't.' _I wrote down.

"Okay. Just let me know if I need to beat up anyone for you. I'm still your big brother. I'll still protect you."

I nodded. Carlos was always very protective of me.

"Hey." A sleepy Kendall mumbled.

"Hey." Carlos said, while I nodded in his direction.

Kendall came over and sat down by me. He pulled me into his embrace, then kissed my cheek.

"Brother in the room!" Carlos exclaimed.

Kendall chuckled, "I thought you said that you were okay with this."

"No, I said I was okay with you two dating, not with you two kissing in front of me!"

"Then look away. You don't know how long I have waited to kiss her."

I felt my cheeks heat up.

"Aw." Carlos cooed, making me look even more like a tomato.

I shook my head, then got up and left the room.

_'Leave it to Carlos to embarrass me.' _I thought.

"Kendall thank you. When Autumn first came here. I didn't think I'd ever see her smile again. You're the only one that can bring a smile to her face and color to her cheeks. I think you'll be the first to hear her voice." Carlos said, as soon as he thought I was gone.

"What does she sound like?" Kendall asked.

I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but I couldn't walk away, knowing that my brother and my boyfriend were talking about me.

"I can't even remember, the last time I saw her was when I auditioned for Big Time Rush. She was just going into high school, if I remember right."

"I just hope she'll talk. I want to know what she sounds like."


	23. Chapter 23

I walked away, I didn't know if I'd ever be ready to talk again. Not after what I've been through, not knowing what would be waiting for me, if I accidently on purposely told.

I sat down on my bed, until I heard the TV.

"Blade Walkers has been arrested." The news anchor announced.

That caught my attention. I jumped up from my bed and ran into the living room. Carlos had already changed the station, so I grabbed the remote and flipped back to the right channel. He was on camera, screaming. There were two police officers restraining him.

"I'm going to kill her! That's why I'm going to prison, isn't it?! She told, I'll kill her! I'll kill her! Watch your back, Autumn. I'll find a way out! I'll kill everyone if I have to!"

I was paralyzed in this spot, staring at the screen. Time seemed to slow down around me. He was struggling against the police officers. He was handcuffed, but that didn't give me any hope that he would really be going to prison. He was shoved into the police car, and the police anchor appeared back on the screen.

"We do not know who he is talking about, but we do know that Blade Walkers has been arrested for owning some illegal drugs."

_Drugs. He was doing drugs._

It made sense now. This wasn't the real Blade. That didn't change the fact that he still wanted to kill me, though.

"Autumn? Autumn are you all right?" Kendall's voice broke through my trance.

I heard his voice again.

"Are you all right?"

_'No.' _I thought. _'I'm far from all right.'_

I felt sick. My stomach turned. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I felt someone pull my hair back. I knew it was Kendall, without even looking up.

"Autumn?" Kendall asked. He seemed so worried.

I sat down, I wasn't sick physically, but mentally I was a wreck. I put my head in my hands. What has my life come to?


	24. Chapter 24

I sat there, my head in my hands. Kendall continued to ask me what was wrong, and I wanted to tell him, I really did, but I couldn't, I just couldn't. As soon as Kendall figured out that I wasn't really sick, he picked me up.

"Carlos!" Kendall called out.

"What?" Carlos asked.

"Autumn... There's something wrong with her!"

"What?"

Kendall gently put me down on the couch.

"You don't think that she's the Autumn that the guy on the news was talking about, do you?" Kendall asked.

"What was the guy's name?" Carlos questioned.

"Blade Walkers?" Kendall said, sounding uncertain.

"Oh no."


	25. Chapter 25

Carlos remembered.

"Autumn." Carlos whispered my name, as if I held all the answers.

"Carlos?" Kendall asked.

Carlos looked at me, asking me if I wanted to tell him, or if he should, but I couldn't respond. I was frozen. I was broken, and still breaking more and more every second.

Kendall saw that, he came over to me and sat down next to me. He pulled me into his lap, holding me tightly.

"Blade was one of her best friends. Summer, Autumn, and Blade - they were inseparable." Carlos turned his attention to me, "What happened?"

I couldn't tell him, though. What had happened stunned me into silence and changed my life completely. If I told Carlos what happened, he would suffer the same fate as me, and I couldn't, wouldn't allow that to happen.

Kendall turned me around, so now I was facing his chest, instead of the world around me.


	26. Chapter 26

"Guys, did you break Autumn?" James asked.

_'No.' _I thought, _'I was broken long before I came here.'_

Someone's phone started to ring.

"Hello." Carlos said, "Yeah Mom, I saw it. No she hasn't. Okay." I heard a muffled voice come through the phone after each of Carlos' responses.

"Autumn, Mom wants to talk to you." Carlos told me.

I turned around, grabbed the phone, and walked out of the room.

"Autumn, honey, are you alright?" My Mom was using her sweet voice.

_'Why would you care? You're the one who told me I was overreacting. You're the one that kicked me out and sent me here.' _I thought.

"Autumn, you can come home now."

_'Why would I want to, I might have actually found someone that cares about me'_

I wasn't going to talk to her, so I remained silent.

"Give the phone back to your brother." My Mom's nice tone was gone now.

I walked back into the living room, and gave Carlos his phone back. Then I grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled a message on it. I gave it to the bus driver and, somehow, he managed to read it without crashing the bus.

"Alright." He spoke.

I sat down on the floor behind the couch, which was conveniently located right by the door, and it was also out of sight from the boys. I could hear them talking. They were explaining the story to James. Carlos had hung up with Mom.

The bus finally stopped, and I jumped up and opened the door. I ran outside, praying that the boys wouldn't follow me. I wasn't running away, but I needed to be alone for a while. I also needed to clear my head, and running always helped me with that.


	27. Chapter 27

"Autumn!" Carlos called after me.

I started to sprint. I had always been faster than Carlos, so if he ran after me, I knew he wouldn't catch me.

"Wait! Autumn! Please come back!"

I couldn't, though. I needed to be away from everything and everyone. I had to keep going.

"Hey, you!" A man's deep voice said, "It seems that you escaped us last time."

Oh no. It was them. I started hyperventilating. I tried to run away, but one of them grabbed me. He then picked me up and covered my mouth, so I couldn't scream this time. No one could save me this time. He carried me over to a black van and threw me in it. I scrambled up, then I crawled all the way back to the third row, where I hid under the seats. I pressed my back against the wall of the van. My heart was speeding, my forehead was covered in sweat. I prayed that they couldn't reach me. Hopefully luck was on my side for a change, but sadly this did make sense. My life was just starting to be okay. I had a wonderful boyfriend, two amazing friends and my brother back in my life. My life was too good, so now it had to even out with something bad, I just hoped that they wouldn't kill me. Pain I could take, but death was never an option, and it wasn't about to become one now. I would fight. I was stronger than I looked.

"She's under the seat in the third row. What should I do?" One of the men asked.

"Leave her. We'll fish her out later." Another responded.

I could see the men clearly now. There was three of them, all of them around 17 or 18. One had black hair, and very tan skin. He looked like he was around 18, so he was definitely the oldest, and probably the strongest, too. The second one had brown hair and light skin. He looked around 17, but he didn't look very strong. The last one was clearly the leader, he would most likely be the one to decide my fate, if it came to that, but hopefully, it wouldn't. He was driving, so I couldn't see him as well as I could see the other two, but I could tell that he had dirty blonde hair.

They looked familiar, I knew that all of them had been in the alley the night that Kendall saved me, but I also recognized them from somewhere else. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks: they had also helped Blade that first night.

The night when I hadn't wanted to be friends with the boys. The night that I had foolishly decided to take Sydney out for a walk because I thought that I needed time to myself. The night that I realized that, no matter where I was, or what I was doing, Blade would haunt me forever.

I realized right then, that these men were more than just kidnappers. They were going to fill out Blade's last request.

They were going to murder me.

* * *

_**Authors Note: **_

_**Sorry these chapters are so short, it's just I have had writers block for like forever, I am also going on holiday in two days and so I won't be able to upload for a week but don't worry I will still write the chapters and upload them when I obviously have wifi. I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far and thank you everyone who has reviewed and favourited and followed this story so thank you guys so much :)**_


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